dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
