I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
