Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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