SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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