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I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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