so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
