dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
