i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
