I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
