dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
