I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
