Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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