Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
