I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
