your parents love me but you hate me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
