I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
