Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my liver is dry heaving
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
