i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
