I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
