I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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