I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
