Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
