Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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