I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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