plz talk dirty to me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
