he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How's work?
Spinning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
