just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
