I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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