I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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