I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they're like a gay fantastic four
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
