Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
