Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
