I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
