If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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