There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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