I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
