just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
