Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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