I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
