I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
