i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
