hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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