I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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