I looked at my own cervix.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's always time for handjobs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
