I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
