I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
