You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
