she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this is an emotional support booty call
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
