so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
