So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
