Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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