I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
