whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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