WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize