We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
