Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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