it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
