this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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