she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
