I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
