btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
