True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize