i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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