the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are two peas in an std pod
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
