why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize