Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
