So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
