so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize