I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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